http://whotohate.com/moonlit-grey/
Moonlit Grey
Do you like this thing I wrote?
White tulips and pale sea green tassels adorn the night stars and I found through a field of tulips white. A fresh wind rose petals of ivory in a ball and fall to the ground, collected in a bed. The moon shining sun and kill the pale light showers in the field. I surrounded by any trace of humanity. I find the moonlit field. I'm frigid winter lips on my skin and I close my eyes and breathe. Pick three tulips white and bring them to my face and breathe pure aroma. Nightingales gray eyes on the branches singing to the moon and I listen. I was among the tulips. Earth rotates and the moon sleeps. The sky is torn and the darkness is poured onto the field. Wet black tulips. I climb into the night. Any suggestions for improvement? What do you think it means?
I would be more effective in the form of a poem. If this is a poem, make your line breaks more deliberate and preferably shorter. I speak of death or any other loss. You have a lot of elements that speak of death or associated with it: the petals fall, winter, 3 tulips (perhaps Trinity) nightingales, the earth spins (equal time goes on, a progression that carries us all the time to death), the dark and black tulips, and adherence to night darkenss. Personally, I love Your Choice of words and images is exquisite. As I said before, I Just Want to do is turn it into a poem, not would be difficult, because all this is the poem as an exception to the structure.
